One of my biggest gripes about Vegas is that most of the hotels wont allow food delivery carriers to deliver to your room. But it wont be easy. Assuming you havent given him real cause for those worries (like a history of cheating), this is insulting to you and awful for the health of your relationship. If you stay around the main touristy areas especially on the Strip there is security EVERYWHERE. Look at it again. My husband has cheerfully seen me off to conferences in Vegas, Austin, Reno, San Diego, Milwaukee, and other cities. Sorry, that isnt useful. It doesnt seem like he has much ability to manage his own emotionshes unloading them on you to manage insteadand thats a skill all adults should learn, I think. You dont deserve to be treated that way. Im also someone that really tries to give the benefit of the doubt though. Often to far away and less-than-ideal places, safety-wise, sometimes for 2+ weeks at a time, and pretty frequently alone. :), That reminds me of this Captain Awkward letter: https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, Were now in a position where he thinks Ive made a mistake with the breakup, and that I did not adequately justify my reasons for ending it.. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. And my husband was completely fine with it. Wow. (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. And we always get gorgeous hotel rooms for ridiculously cheap. She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. If you ever felt something was wrong you can tell a bartender, a waiter, a cop, that you need some help. This is part of your JOB. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. When I was in Vegas I called my husband 3 maybe 4 times a day during my breaks because I was so depressed and talking to him made me feel better. My husband and I travel a lot for work- including to Vegas! One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. Ive met plenty of kids who were never allowed to even play Go Fish because playing non-gambling card games could lead to gambling. Exactly. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. My almost 60 year old mother goes to a medical conference in Las Vegas every year. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. And the largest baggage-caroussel room Id ever seen and then I saw the OTHER baggage-caroussel room, that was unused at the time. When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Oh thats my mothers thing, too. If your husband is otherwise kind and reasonable, its important to know that this is a very unusual stance for a spouse to take, so Im glad youre taking it seriously. He needs to get help and you need to do whats best for you and your career (and your sanity!). If this isreally about more than the fear of cheating, it sounds like there arepretty serious anxiety issues in play here. The big difference is that OPs husband cant keep an eye on her when shes in Vegas. <3. There were plenty of women there without their husbands. You should protect your son! Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. When I first moved to the city, my mom told me to never, ever go anywhere after dark. I like having the house to myself for a weekend. First, it doesnt workanxiety will inevitably find things to be anxious about, ultimatelyand second, its not reasonable or feasible to ask someone to do that. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Cuz he was awesome.). Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. Sometimes folks with untreated anxiety hear what they want to hear. I live in a small country area where most woman are not in my position & usually give in to husbands demands whether or not it is ethical.Counsling is usually never seeked out. Seriously, OP this is *NOT* normal. Worrying about cheating, sex, drugs, and rock n roll, is worrying about what I will do. As a non-gambler I found Las Vegas boring as hell. I worked 100 hours in 8 days. (I do apologize that my intention to be helpful wasnt completely clear). Has it been made perfectly clear that this trip isnt a mini-vacay/reward on the companys dime, but is -in fact- a work trip where you will be doing work? Be direct, and even brutally honest: Im not having this conversation (& hang up); Im not doing this again (& walk away); Im not changing my mind; Im not negotiating Im giving you the facts Basically, lots of Im not/I cant/I wont statements that are all about you and your limits. its really funny, because Vegas has lately been billed as a great place to go for a family vacation! You sound like a real piece of work. (Somehow I did survive!). Id be wondering if it isnt time to reconsider the marriage. It sounds like theres a lot you two have to work through but if his primary concern is for your personal safety, as other folks have mentioned, Las Vegas is actually pretty safe for a big city. This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. The only effective thing to do with anger is for one of you to walk away leave the house if you have to. He may not listen and will keep bringing it up, but its worth a shot (and then repeating)! And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? I dont want men to dismiss womens fears, but I have personally had more experience with the opposite men deciding to tell me why I cant/shouldnt do something adventurous. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. You don't have to fake excitement about every little . Feel free to point out where I did that. It was very concerning. of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? The same concerns would translate for a man. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. It does sound like some type of anxiety as these worries are extreme. -03-2022, 0 Comments I build these horrific scenarios in my mind about what supposedly happened. Did he not get the memo thats not how dating works. I firmly believe in the dont be a dipshit rule of travel, and it has served me well. Autor de l'entrada Per ; Data de l'entrada columbia university civil engineering curriculum; hootan show biography . This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. Oh, good, dont have to worry about Massive Problem A oh hey, Medium Problem B, lets obsessively think about that for ages!. I didnt hear that there were kids. OP, go on the trip. Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. Eventually I sat him down and said something along the lines of, Dude, youre stressing me out. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. Therapy, now, for both of you so that you can discuss this issue, and potentially solo therapy for him to address his issues. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. I dont know, I think you are underestimating how the Internet has magnified the echo chamber effect. vacation without ever spending a single quarter in a slot machine! People at our church would say I cant believe your husband lets you do that. My husband would laugh and laugh. I definitely recommend Captain Awkward too for assistancence (she, Allison, and Doctor Nerdlove need to be together one day). Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? Im sorry, Im not trying to be a jerk, but if you dont think theres anything unwholesome about prostitution (direct quote) I think you may be a cultural outlier. OP take care of you first. This isnt about whether or not the thing Im about to do is dangerousit is about her desire to control what I do. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) You get attention, you often get attempts at comfort, sometimes you get a hug; these are all rewarding. We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work. He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. Literally cannot learn your brain switches off the learning & memory centres of your brain while its priming your legs to flee the sabre-toothed dire wolves of your imagination. Perhaps Allison can clarify and correct if needed? He and this whole situation is definitely unstable and unsustainable. Sometimes, when a spouse accuses you of cheating out of thin air, its because they themselves are cheating, and now they see it everywhere else as a coping mechanism for justifying their own behavior. In my family its my mother (yay genetics! I would probably choose being single over him.
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